Heather Crunch

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"Oh, yeeeeeeeeaah!! It's Crunch time!"

Heather Crunch
Heatherhat hotbloodhat.png
Also Known As... Heather Goddamn Crunch, Cap'n, Cap'n Crunch, Crazy Crunch, Captain Fuckface, Fuckface, The Crunch Train
First Appearance Magical Scribe Eleanor Slam
Organization Sixth Officio, formerly Ninth Officio
Rank Eversor Rank Leader
Occupation Magical Girl
Ability Nigh invulnerability, strength, magic sticky tape, selective ignorance of weapon's weight
Weapon Colossal great sword 'Eversword' that returns when thrown and can grow in size
Height 163cm
Date of Birth October 4th (18 as of write-ups)

Character Summary[edit]

Through force of personality and brute strength, Heather Crunch earned the position of Rank Leader of the Sixth Officio in spite of not originally contracting there. She is a zealous advocate of justice, and sees magical girls as heroes that need to live up to their full potential. However, she tends to act on her own, which often does more harm than good.

Physical Description[edit]

  • Heather's hair is blue and done up in twintails that reach to at least her waist. Recently she seems to have lost the twintails due to a fire.
  • Her eyes are red and full of fire and fighting spirit.
  • Heather wears a maroon colored overcoat that reaches to her boots.
  • Beneath the coat, she wears a pink and cream dress with a pink bow on the front.
  • Her hat, a bicorne hat with the jolly roger on it, has a small corsage pinned to it with trailing ribbons.
  • The pantyhose she wears have a rose print, and her boots are the same color as her coat.
  • Heather's figure is supposedly curvaceous with a fair amount of muscle.
  • Her soulgem is kept in a gilded choker and colored bright red.


  • Heather likes to SHOUT and -emphasize- words, even during internal monologues.
  • In the same vein, she sometimes drrrrrrrraws out words.
  • Her actions and gesticulations are frequently histrionic.
  • Heather's general outlook is cheery enthusiasm and hot-blooded determination.
  • That said, she'd a bit reckless and has caused damage to the Sixth Officio building.
  • She's fairly competitive and doesn't like to lose, but isn't a sore loser.
  • She has a strong desire to help others, though her methods tend towards the extreme and unhelpful.
  • And she's a bit of a nosy busybody.
  • Heather has a very high opinion of herself and is a bit of a braggart.
  • Finally, she has been seen calling out her attacks, striking poses and occasionally saying onomatopoeia aloud.

Character History (non-canon)[edit]

Heather came from the Ninth originally, but was transferred to the Sixth. She has mostly been depicted interacting with Eleanor.


  • Heather's appearance, and a handful of her mannerisms, were lifted from Erika Furudo, a character in the visual novel series Umineko no Naku Koro ni. The Eversword also bears a very strong resemblance to some of the weapons that appeared in the series.
  • Heather's nickname, Cap'n Crunch, comes from a cereal mascot of the same name. While Heather may be called Cap'n Crunch, Eleanor is the one who actually looks like the cereal mascot in question.
  • Heather loves chopsticks, as they can be used to stab food like tiny spears. She has been seen using a set of golden chopsticks. It has not been confirmed whether or not they are related to the golden weapons.
  • Her "selective ignorance of her weapon's weight" ability means that she can wield her one ton Eversword as though it weighed almost nothing. This can be extended to the environment and the weapon itself, such as being able to cross a rope bridge while carrying the weapon.
  • As Heather's skin can't be pierced by tattoo needles, she instead collects weapons from her fallen enemies.
  • Officially her butt has been ranked among the top five in the Sixth Officio.