Ordinary Girl Heather Crunch versus the Nakajima Sisters
Before me, Nakajima is shielded by no less than SIX robotic guardians. They bear a VERY strong resemblance to the other Nakajima meditating under the waterfall, although for some bizarre reason they are dressed- no, designed- to appear as maids. The caps and aprons appear to be there purely for aesthetic design, but the metal domes used for the dresses shield the legs from direct attack. And the poofy pads on the shoulders... They look as though they retract to reveal something. A small projectile launcher, perhaps? In any case, they are both decorative AND functional!
The mouth areas don't -appear- have any seams that indicate they would open. Unless it was a deception to hide weaponry in the head cavities, which I would NOT put past Nakajima! However, the articulation for the arms, hands, and fingers is CLEARLY visible to my amazing eyesight. They don't -look- as though they are capable of bending at the waist, and THAT is a problem for them if they lose their balance. I wonder if they have a stabilizer of some kind to compensate for that?
There are a set of metal plates covering the chests. Now THOSE are almost certainly covering some kind of weapons. Vulcan guns? Missile launchers? Flamethrowers? In any case, it's something that needs to be protected when not in use. Speaking of which, attached to the hem of the metal 'dress' on each one are what I am COMPLETELY CERTAIN are chain swords. Or was it chain sawds? I forget what they're called. In any case, they have sharp-looking teeth running along one edge of the blade. Probably powered by electricity instead of gasoline. Not the most reliable of weapons, but EXCELLENT for cutting a lesser magical girl open like a sapling.
BUT HEATHER CRUNCH IS NO LESSER MAGICAL GIRL!
"So, uhh..." Nakajima says to interrupt my admira- admonishment, SILENT ADMONISHMENT of her MECHANICAL ABOMINATIONS, "aren't you gonna transform now?"
Ha! As much as I would LOVE to show her just how SUPERIOR I am to her assembled robots by UTTERLY CRUSHING THEM, I need to TRAIN! To better myself, as dictated by the Soul Temperer's decree - by fighting as a civilian instead of as a magical girl! And to OVERCOME my dependency on my powers in place of pure, refined SKILL and PROWESS!
Thusly, I LAUGH DERISIVELY! And then I STRIKE A POSE! And POINT AT NAKAJIMA, AND SHOUT, "THE CRUNCH TRAIN DOES NOT STOP TO TRANSFORM TO FIGHT ROBOTS, NAKAJIMAAAA!"
"Ahahaha, that's adorable!" she laughs, LAUGHS, at my resolve! It is ABSOLUTELY infuriating! I MUST put my foot down in the face of such things!
"I AM NOT ADORABLE!" I inform her VERY STERNLY, wearing a VERY not-adorable face of CONVICTION! "I AM A SWORD OF JUSTICE!" I EMPHASIZE the last point with ELABORATE GESTICULATIONS! I should be posed in front of an EXPLOSION right now!
I'll make my own later. I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!
"Where's your sword, then?" Nakajima inquires. As expected of a villain, unable to understand a hero's resolve!
I respond by pounding my chest, and boasting, "I HAVE A SWORD... IN MY HEART!" And she just laughs again!
"Are you for real?" she asks between giggles.
"Come on over and find out," I respond. Oh yeah, that was cool.
"But seriously, though," Nakajima says, voice FULL of condescension, "show me that indestructible body of yours already!"
"It is a HANDICAP!" I declare. "THAT is how CONFIDENT I am that I will -not- be defeated by the likes of you OR your army of robots!"
"Weeell, this is more of a squad -"
"ENOUGH! NOW we talk with ACTIONS instead of words!" I snarl, posing dramatically once more. She is saying something or other but I YELL OVER HER SO THAT I AM NOT INTERRUPTED! "So unless you are RIGHTLY AFRAID of being CRUNCHED on by an ORDINARY girl, then BRING IT ON, NAKAJIMAAAAGGGH!"
That... Hurt?
I look down and... Part of my torso is... Gone. There's just a... A black, smoking gap where it used to be.
I'm... I'm not sure what... There was a bright flash of blue light, wasn't there? Or was that after I got hit? I turn my head to look at my assailants again and... Yes, their eyes are glowing. I can add lasers to the list of things they are able to do.
Well played, Nakajima.
"Science says you're not invincible when untransformed!" the heartless harpy cackles as her automatons advance upon my position. "Science also says you better hurry!"
Damn... Really hurts...
"It's just a scrape!" I reply, putting everything I have into maintaining a facade of absolute confidence. This entire venture feels like it may have been a bad idea.
"Come onnn, transform already!" Nakajima urges. A little voice in the back of my head repeats this urging. It'd be so much more sensible, it argues, to use every advantage I have to utterly crush my opposition.
But that would go against what I set out here to do! It would mean I learned NOTHING! I HAVE to do it this way!
"I will NOT transfo-" My declaration is cut off by the painful thump of a chainsword tapping against my left shoulder, followed by the quiet whirring of metal teeth as the trigger is pressed for just an instant. Blood splatters everywhere as it rips through flesh down to the bone. I have to bite my lip to keep from screaming in pain.
"You keep this up and you really -are- gonna be handicapped, Crunchy!" chides this... horrible, despicable murderous person as the blade is pulled back. Leaving a gaping, oozing gash behind. How can she do this with such a carefree smile?
Like you're any different when you're fighting, the voice nags. And starts to laugh.
"SHUT UP!" I scream to silence the both of them. I just need to disable the robots and...
Wait. How... How can I disable them like this? I don't have a weapon, and any contact would put me in danger of losing a limb. Transforming is not an option, either, but... I don't...
I don't think I could take them on in a straight fight at all. Not like this.
"If you say so!" this... Fiend cheerfully exclaims, before ordering her minions, "rip her up, but leave the gem intact, ‘kay?"
The robots slowly, slowly move towards me, causing me to instinctively take a few steps back. What am I supposed to do here? How can I win this fight?
CAN I win this fight? Is it even winnable?
Just transform, that horrible voice buzzes, and trash them like the third-rate box of scraps they are!
SHUT UP! I am NOT listening to you and I am NOT compromising myself like that!
One of the maids focuses on my left leg as her eyes glow for a split second, and a quick step away causes another beam of blue light to just barely misses my right kneecap, in part because it didn’t bother to turn its head to correct the shot. And yet the skin is charred black from the heat, and it hurts to stand on it.
…There really isn't any other option, is there? I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this. Ever. But It looks like I have no choice.
I plant one foot in front of me and bellow, “You’ve gone and done it NOW, NAKAJIMAAAA!” My expression is one of GRIM and RESOLUTE DETERMINATION, as I once again point at her. “I am FORCED to use my SECRET TECHNIQUE! One that I had hoped I would not need to EVER use!”
Her bemused smile fills me with confidence. Ha! She has absolutely NO idea what I am about to do! Which gives ME the ABSOLUTE ADVANTAGE with this technique!
“Alrighty, everyone!” Nakajima calls out, clapping her hands to get the attention of her machines. “Hold your positions and get ready!” And they stop in place and take up a defensive stance. HAH! PERFECT!
“THIS IS IT NAKAJIMAAAA!” I ROAR, ready to WIPE that smug smirk off Nakajima’s face! “HEATHER CRUNCH'S SECRET TECHNIQUE FOR OVERCOMING AN OVERWHELMING DISADVANTAGE!” I take a deep breath in preparation!
And then I POINT JUST OVER my shoulder and mention, “I just remembered something important! See you later!” and throw the Crunch Train into a FULL SPEED REVERSAL! “RUNNING AWAY TECHNIQUE!”
“Ehhhh?! That’s not very heroic at all!” shouts Nakajima towards my retreating back. I’d agree, but I REFUSE to give her that satisfaction!
The waterfall seems so much further away than it was before. But it’s my best chance to deal with them. There was a cave entrance behind it, which means caves, which means I can lose them in there!
Haha! I’m so cunning sometimes I surprise myself!
“Stop her, my underlings!” Nakajima urges from behind. “Shoot her!”
Let’s see… What did Big Boss say to do when things are shooting at you? Keep going towards cover and… Don’t move in a straight line away from the shooter! So JUMP to the left and AUGH THAT HURTS!
I forgot about that injury from before. It’s so UTTERLY INCONVENIENT, having to deal with such things during moments of URGENCY such as THIS!
A near miss reminds me that I MUST keep moving and IGNORE this pain! And so I SPRINT back into action, dodging away from the LASER BLASTS again and again and AGAIN! While not as fulfilling as engaging them directly, I am still aware that I am fighting against ROBOTS! My adrenaline is SURGING! My blood is BOILING! My heart is POUNDING! My hair is BURNING and I-
MY HAIR IS BURNING! MY HAIR IS BURNIIIIING! I CAN SEE THE BLAZING FLAMES OF ACTUAL FLAMES BLAZING AS THEY SWIFTLY DEVOUR MY RIGHTHAND TWINTAIL AND BURN MY SKIN AND IT HURTS! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DRENCHED AND NOW IT’S BURNING AND IT SMELLS AWFUL AND IT HURTS!
“Ahahaha! Oh wow, she looks like a cat with its tail on fire!” NAKAJIMA HOWLS WITH LAUGHTER! STOP LAUGHING, NAKAJIMAAAA! YOU WILL GET YOURS FOR THIS!
“Jade! Clothesline her!” ORDERS NAKAJIMA! AND I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT OTHER NAKAJIMA BLOCKS MY PATH! I NEED THAT PRECIOUS WATER BEFORE MY SPOTLESS SKIN IS SEVERELY SCORCHED!
“Jaaaade!”
AND SHE IS NOT MOVING! FORTUITOUS FOR ME AS I NEED TO KEEP MOVING TOWARD THE WATERFALL SHE WAITS BENEATH!
“What the heckles, Jade!” SHOUTS NAKAJIMA, “you’re not being a team player!” OTHER NAKAJIMA WAKES, BUT SHE IS TOO LATE!
As the waters cascade over me, I hear the sound of a flame being extinguished. And -that- merely serves to IGNITE MY DRIVE TOWARDS VICTORY! FURTHERMORE, my leg and my side hurt LESS as the chilly water pours down, and it RINSES my burning blood out of the fresh wound in my shoulder!
The other Nakajima looms behind, but THE CRUNCH TRAIN IS BACK ON TRACK! FOLLOW THE FLOWING WATER TO VICTORY, CRUNCH! INTO THE DARKNESS!
MY BURNING SPIRIT WILL LIGHT THE WAY FOR ME!
…
Or, after running in far enough that I cannot rely on my eyes alone, I can use the brilliant light of my soul gem instead. Metaphorical fires do not actually help you see in the dark. Or keep you warm for very long. These wet clothes are starting to feel cold.
Hmm… I was hoping for an expansive cavern or branching tunnels, but this river path has been frustratingly linear-
AHA! JACKPOT!
I have just stumbled into an EXPANSIVE CAVERN with what I assume are BRANCHING TUNNELS and a few LARGE ROCKS scattered around! And it has a RAMP up to ANOTHER TUNNEL! FURTHERMORE, the stream I had been following leads to YET ANOTHER TUNNEL! Interesting, but THIS, THIS ROOM HERE, will make a GRAND STAGE for an EPIC CONFRONTATION between GOOD and EVIL!
But first, after stepping out of the stream and tracking water everywhere, I must make preparations. Preparations such as dealing with the inconveniences of injuries and wet clothing. Luckily, I am completely certain nobody is here this time to catch me stripping down and wringing out the shirt, pants and underwear I wore.
Before redressing… I tear off a long part of the right pants leg, and tear that vertically. Tying it over my shoulder wound, it does well enough as a bandage in the absence of actual medical supplies.
You have medical supplies, the voice grumbles faintly as I get dressed; you just need to access your inventory.
Not listening to you, annoying voice.
Now then, how many feet away from your soul gem can you be?
Perching up on the ramp gives me a good vantage point. And it conceals me from the lights approaching from the way I just came, which were preceded by the sloshing of water as several people trudged through.
“Heyyy Crunchy!” Nakajima’s eerily cheery voice calls out, echoing through the cavern. “Come out, come out wherever you are!”
The six robots emerge, a pair of floodlights mounted on each shoulder. Their heads swivel around as the narrow beams sweep through the cavern, and pass over my hiding spot. I had hoped they were tracking me by my soul gem. Perhaps I overestimated them. Or perhaps it’s not very exact.
“Hiding’s not very heroic either, y’know!” Nakajima adds.
A fair distance behind the robotic minions, I can make out the figures of the Nakajima sisters. Hiding behind your underlings, eh, Nakajima?
Rather than fanning out, the robots are moving in a formation of three rows of two. Terrible news if they catch me, as it means I have to deal with them all at once, but wonderful news if they fail to find me. Which I’m betting on, as it appears they have just noticed my bait.
Yes, there they go, drawn towards the faint red glow of my soul gem below, in an alcove beneath the ramp, with the real Nakajimas staying a fair distance behind them. The mechanical whirring draws closer and closer as the robots are about to enter the alcove.
“Aha, found you-” starts Nakajima from somewhere below, who is interrupted by ME this time, as I spring my trap!
“ROCKS FALL, ROBOTS DIE!” I roar, pushing a huge rock onto the unsuspecting mechs beneath! There is a sound of metal breaking, followed by an explosion – aha, so THAT’S what was in the chest cavity. Surveying the damage, I see the alcove is not blocked off as I’d hoped, but TWO of my assailants have already been taken out!
“What the carp?!” screeches Nakajima in surprise. Already I am sprinting down the ramp to engage the remaining four, picking up the large rock I had set down earlier.
“You fell RIGHT into my trap, Nakajimaaa!” I yell, the lights - and the robots - turning around to face me as I slow down to take in the moment. Yes, that’s right, Crunch is BACK in the spotlight!
“Shoot her shoot her shoot herrrr!” shouts an excited Nakajima, and four sets of eyes glow in unison. JUST AS I WAS HOPING! For that means I can immediately JUMP out of the way and continue my slow advance! YES INDEED, so confident am I, that I don’t even NEED to hurry! I can savor the moment, savor dodging ANOTHER volley of lasers, savor NOT getting scorched this time! Savor fighting KILLER ROBOTS!
“NICE TRY, NAKAJIMA,” I boast, grinning and pointing at… Where I’m pretty sure she is. “but I know your machines’ WEAKNESSES!”
“Getting crushed by rocks isn’t a-“
“AS I had originally figured,” I gladly interrupt, “THESE units you built cannot SEE the target for the second they spend charging up their LASER BLASTS.” Right on time, another salvo shoots past. I can feel the heat, but it doesn’t hurt. NOTHING hurts right now. “Of course you KNEW that, didn’t you? So you have them COMPENSATE if the target is moving!” I start running to the side, and the robots’ heads swivel to follow, as their eyes gain that telltale glow. “HOWEVER!” I say, moving in exactly the OPPOSITE direction. “They CANNOT compensate for somebody changing direction WHILE THEY ARE MOVING!” And, sure enough, when they fire, their heads are pointed in the direction I was going before, and NOT where I am now. I have OFFICIALLY outsmarted them!
“Heehee, that’s… actually… correct?” Nakajima falters, clearly taken aback by my genius. “…Well whatever, you’re going to get tired soon, so why not just give up?”
“BECAUSE I HAVE OBSERVED EVEN MORE WEAKNESSES!” I respond. As I cross into melee range, the maids begin reaching for their chainswords. “Covering the legs to keep them from being damaged was a good plan, except the arms do NOT bend back enough for them to right themselves if knocked down, LIKE SO!”
I LEAP into the air and deliver a FLYING kick to the nearest robot who JUST finished unsheathing its weapon! HYAA!
…OW! Kicking something made of metal is VERY PAINFUL!
But it WORKED! For the machine is THROWN into its companion, and BOTH topple to the ground! Their arms and legs wiggle helplessly as they FAIL to right themselves!
A whirring sound indicates that the other two robots have successfully armed themselves and are about to chop me up with overhand slashes. Whoops.
I LEAP back as best as I can (ow ow ow) and the chainswords CARVE through their fallen companion and DIG into the ground! Another one down, AND it appears that they have embedded their weapons in the rock! I RUSH forward and BASH the other downed unit in the face with my rock until the robot ceases its movements!
“THAT’S FOUR DOWN, NAKAJIMAAAA!” I proudly declare!
There’s no sound other than the mechanical whirring from the other two robomaids struggling with their weapons, and my heavy breathing. Finally, Nakajima speaks up in a low, quiet voice, and asks, “…Who are you, and what did you do with the idiot we were fighting earlier?”
“Ha HA!” I laugh, and point, and POSE! “Through simple observation, THIS level of planning is possible for Heather Crunch! What do you think, Nakajimaaaa!”
…Of course having their weapons trapped in the ground was a stroke of good luck, but it’s better if she doesn’t know that.
“It was very surprising,” Nakajima rep- Wait…
“NOT YOU!” I growl. I am getting TIRED of this gag!
“I thiiiiink we can unleash the rockets now!” Nakajima cackles, as the remaining robots leave their weapons behind. The metal plates on their chests part to reveal an array of warheads poised to launch!
“I’M NOT DONE YET!” I roar. “After all, you needed to keep THOSE covered up because they make for great targets!”
“Aaahh, please shut her up henchlings!” Amber howls as the missiles are primed. BUT TOO LITTLE TOO LATE!
“ROBOT ROCKING STRIKE!” I YELL AS I HURL MY ROCK AT THE CHEST OF ONE OF THEM, AND IT EXPLODES!
YES! I am now POSED IN FRONT OF AN EXPLOSION! LIFE IS GOOD!
I spin back to face them and yell at my remaining adversary, “AND THEN THERE WAS ONE!”
It UNLEASHES its furious salvo of missiles at me, but I am TOO FAST!
“HA! YOU MISSED M-“
-BANG-
…
…Everything starts to spin as I am tossed forward…
…I can’t move my head…
…I can’t feel anything below my neck…
…I can see the last robot some distance back…
…And it is crushed by a stalactite…
…The only light left is the red of my soul gem…
…And then everything goes dark…
