Magical Juggernaut Heather Crunch versus The Nakajima Sisters Plus Valentina Tenko
My eyes flutter open as a tantalizing smell rouses me from my slumber. Awake, I fling off the covers, stand up and STREEEETCH - feeling oddly groggy right now - and then open my eyes as I prepare to start the day! ...This is not my room. This is NAKAJIMA'S ROOM!? Also OTHER NAKAJIMA'S ROOM?! What happened? Why am I here? What did I DO last night? WHAT DID -THEY- DO LAST NIGHT?!!
I pat myself down and do a quick check of my person and belongings. I find my nightie is not out of place, my underwear is still intact, and there are no mysterious injuries or anything like that... That's right; I was watching Tounosaman with the Nakajimas. And Nakajima fell asleep before I did... and I let her sleep on my shoulder. It was just so...
...Anyway, for now, I, myself, appear to be COMPLETELY FINE! In fact, I was TUCKED INTO BED from my sitting position before! Moreover, that smell from earlier... it's the smell of steak sizzling on a skillet somewhere! I bet it's those maids preparing breakfast right now!
So you doubted them, taunts that voice in my mind, and thought they would do you harm, after all that they did to pull you out of your stupor. Yes, voice in my head, I did doubt them in spite of everything they did last night. That is why I'm going to try to make it up to them today. I am going to go OUT OF MY WAY to NOT be a bitch towards the Nakajimas! Nakajima herself, especially.
That is NOT the same as accepting her advances, though! I am just going to keep my temper in check and give her the benefit of the doubt, THAT IS ALL! It is the very LEAST I can do!
FIRST, however, I must get ready!
In hindsight, singing in the shower was probably overdoing it. They might have been able to HEAR me, and THAT would be embarrassing! I was just in such a good mood - for REAL this time - I could hardly help it! Today it feels as though my worries are not so worrisome that they can get to me!
Going back to my room to change - fling the door open, because WHY NOT - I see my residence looks just as I left it before. My important personal effects and figures are SAFE! Or very LIKELY safe! They LOOK safe enough from here. I can investigate further sometime later if I am feeling suspicious. Benefit of the doubt and all that.
Oh, but there IS something out of place here! That MANNEQUIN wasn't there before, and the MAID UNIFORM that COVERS IT was DIRTY and WRINKLED before! NOW, however, it's as CRISP and CLEAN as though it were brand new. So that means the Nakajimas DID get into my room... but maybe this was all that they did. Put this here in the hope that I might wear it now that it looks presentable again.
I mean, I WAS going to change into some clothes I bought from the city, but... sure, why not? I KNOW I look good in that costume.
I shouldn't linger though, or else the food will get cold! With that sense of URGENCY in mind, I SPRING INTO ACTION! NIGHTIE OFF, FANCY UNDERWEAR -ON-! SOCKS! MAID OUTFIT! APRON! CHOKER! SHOES! BOW! AND I'LL FORM THE HEADDRESS! ...Just kidding~. All I formed was my soul gem over the bow. A BURNING RED to contrast with the blue ribbon. Perfect!
All dressed up with somewhere to go, I go somewhere. Namely, to the dining room, where the food probably is! My shoes click-clack in a rhythm on the hardwood flooring. My stride and bearing are IMPECCABLE on this GLORIOUS DAY! Almost as glorious as ME! HAH!
I can make out other smells now that I am drawing closer. Smells like... pancakes and hashbrowns. That's right; I was going to ask how to make pancakes and hashbrowns like the Nakajimas at some point. I should do that today. Sometime AFTER eating them, though.
At LAST, I step into the dining room to make my GRAND ENTRANCE! Throwing my arms WIDE and ANNOUNCING, "GOOD..."
My eyes widen in shock and awe! "...GOD!" I finish.
What covers the dining room table does not look like breakfast. Rather, it looks like a banquet. A feast, even. Something that put the other meals they made to shame in its magnitude. Something that should have taken more than just a few hours to prepare. The wall clock says it is seven in the morning, and I saw her fall asleep at about two... so how did they make all this in such a short period of time? Are they even human?
The size of the meal wouldn't be an issue, though. I could finish most of it on my own if I kept at it. I find myself walking closer to it, drawn to it like a car accident. It doesn't look BAD - in fact, it looks amazing and it's making my mouth water. The meat is still hot enough to be sizzling, and the entire meal smells wonderful... But it feels like if I eat this, I'm implying agreement towards something. Something I don't actually want. Or at least I don't WANT to want it. Yes, the food itself is fine. It's how it's been PREPARED that's giving me pause!
For the entirety of the meal looks like something out of the 'Waifu Special' back at the Ninth. Except on a grander scale, and with breakfast foods, and probably a LOT more enjoyable to eat than the packed lunch. If I could bring myself to even touch it.
Reaching the table and taking hold of a chair, I hesitate to sit, preferring to stand with the chair as a shield between me and... This. At this end of the table is an empty plate, a napkin, silverware, and a tall glass of what I assume is a smoothie, with two straws put in it. It's very... pink. Looking past that, I see a plate with stacks of toast covered with a thin spread of strawberry jam in the shape of puckered lips. A ways down, half a dozen bacon and egg biscuit sandwiches, cut into heart shapes, lay arranged on another plate. There is a stack of pancakes with an impression that looks like a smiling super-deformed Nakajima face, garnished with strawberry hearts. A juicy looking breakfast steak bears 'Amber x Crunchy' written on it in sauce. A bouquet of flowers made of carved fruit on skewers dominates the center, with a couple of apple bunnies posed to look like they are gnawing on the 'stems'. Heart-shaped cinnamon rolls glazed with frosting wait at the far end of the table.
If it had just looked normal, I would be praising the Nakajimas for the effort they put into it. And I would actually be eating it instead of treating it like a minefield. But as it is, this feel like a trap. If I sat down for this meal, they'd believe I'm implying that this whole lovey-dovey theme is reasonable.
What happened to benefit of the doubt, sneers that voice in my head. And it raises a good point.
Deep breath... Okay, calm down, Crunch. Just because it being a set-up is the most LIKELY reason for... all of this... does not make it the correct one. Yeah, let's not cut ourselves on Occam's Razor. After all, it... it could just be Nakajima's way of, uh, making sure I am still in good spirits. She's trying to make sure I am not still in the DOLDRUMS as I was BEFORE. Or maybe she's just TEASING me again in her own Nakajima-y way, as she is wont to do.
And on the off chance that it -is- what it looks like... well, that's no reason to be terrified of a meal or scream in her face. This may just be a misunderstanding. I mean, I admit I do like her, but I'm not sure I like her enough to go through with this kind of thing! I'm still not sold on the concept of romance in relation to myself! Besides, it's just food. I am not obligated to do anything after eating this meal.
...Look at me, cowering behind a chair because the implications of the breakfast buffet intimidate me. That's no way for an Eversor Rank Leader of the Sixth Officio to behave. I've been making myself look rather pitiful lately, haven't I? Stop sniveling and show some backbone, me! I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY THE LIKES OF YOU, BREAKFAST FOODS! I would tell you to prepare yourself, BUT SOMEBODY ALREADY PREPARED YOU FOR ME!
I let go of the chair and grab the plate, marching around the table to take a sample of -every single item-. Soon my plate starts to get CROWDED, and I add things on top of other things! Building a pyramid out of my meal! Following a sudden stroke of genius, I use one of the fruit skewers at the top to hold it together! The structure wobbles as I take my plate back to my seat, but it does NOT fall! No, my tottering tabletop Tower of Babel - more like Tower of BAGEL - DOES NOT CRUMBLE! NO, it falls only at MY whims!
I start out this feast with an egg and bacon sandwich. Taking a few tentative bites, I conclude that it is probably the best breakfast sandwich I have eaten in memory. Were this not reality, I would probably be overcome with a food-based hallucination. If all of it is this good, then...
Suddenly everything goes dark. "Guess who~?" chirps my mysterious assailant as an increasingly familiar softness presses against the back of my head. Slender, gentle hands cover my eyes, and a scent that I recognize identifies her immediately.
So it -is- teasing. I put up a front of having to think it over, 'hmm'ing and 'huh'ing, which makes her giggle, and then ask, "Is it... NAKAJIMAAAA?!"
"Ding ding ding ding ding! You got it in one!" Nakajima sings, removing her hands from my eyes but still caressing the side of my head. "Soooo, whatcha think of my 'Totally on the Crunchy Route Good End Breakfast Bonanza?'" In a very proud tone, she adds, "I made it myself~!" The rubbing is somewhat distracting. And so is having her chest pushed against the back of my head. It doesn't feel so bad, though. It's kind of nice.
But not -too- nice.
"Actually, that IS impressive," I admit. "How did you manage?"
Nakajima giggles, causing some... motion against my head. "That's a secret~," she whispers, IGNITING MY INDIGNATION!
"GOD-" No, no, that's a dumb thing to get mad over. Just... calm down. Calm down and try not to scream. Even though she's pushing your buttons again, it is not an adequate reason to launch any Interconversational Bitchlistic Missiles today. Show some restraint and dignity. "So," I start, forcing a smile, "the 'Totally on the Crunchy Route Good End Breakfast Bonanza'?" I gesture towards the aforementioned thing I mentioned afore. "Am I correct in assuming that the name is reference to dating sim routes and endings?"
Nakajima starts playing with my hair and it's freaky how not freaked out I am about it. "Yeppers!" She chirps. "We shared a touching bonding moment thing, a pivotal event, so now I'm on your route. I'm just hurrying it along towards the 'good end' now and fast forwarding through the boring bits~." Do not go to Bitchcon 1. It is not worth it.
"Like character development, plot resolution, and the actual climax of the story?" I state as bluntly as I can manage.
She doesn't even stop to consider it before she gives her response: "I miiiiiight slow down for the sex scenes." Maybe she missed my sarcasm. It's fine. It's -fine-! Do NOT enable the bitch missiles over it!
"So you're doing all of this to hurry along our relationship from 'friends' to... 'Lovers'?" "Wow, right again," she says, her voice expressing genuine surprise in a way that makes my soul hurt. "Did you skip your stupid pills this morning?" Don't yell! Don't get angry! Don't do it! That was probably supposed to be a compliment! Do NOT go through the BITCH LAUNCH STEPS! You can't undo something like that!
I pull her hands OFF of me - do it GENTLY! - and lean forward to FREE my head from her bosom! I do not think that what I need to say would have very much IMPACT if I remained where I was! "Listen, Nakajima, I think there has been a SERIOUS misunderstanding here!" I explain, staring at the tower of food I made instead of her face. "I mean, I thought we both agreed that love is -stupid-?!"
"Yyyyyyyeeeeaaaahhhhh, but we're skipping that stuff to get to the fun parts," she says, sounding irritated. OKAY! Just because she doesn't GET IT and is being INSENSITIVE does not make it OKAY to be a PRICK! Do NOT turn the BITCH LAUNCH KEYS! STAND THE HELL -DOWN-!
"It's NOT just that I'm not really...COMFORTABLE with romance!" I attempt to explain in exasperation to my increasingly oblivious adversary! "I'm just not READY for this! Or a relationship in GENERAL!" I throw my hands up in the air and sigh loudly, hopefully HAMMERING the point home with "In fact I really can't say I WANT one at this point! Not even with YOU!"
I THINK she got it. She's being quiet. Being shot down probably hurts - and it hurts to shoot her down - but she NEEDS to understand that it wouldn't-
"So," Nakajima murmurs, her voice sad and trembling, "you don't like me?"
ABORT! ABORT! ABORT! "NO, NO!" I HURRIEDLY ASSURE HER! I -LEAP- OUT OF MY SEAT! I SPIN AROUND TO FACE HER, TO CONVEY -HONESTY- AND -URGENCY-! "THAT'S NOT WHAT-"
Naked.
Nakajima is completely naked save for her headband, a set of lacy garters, and a white apron. A white apron that is clinging closely to her modest frame. And a hungry, leering smile on her face.
"...N a k a j i m a ?" I murmur, my voice feeling hoarse and weak. Which just makes her laugh.
"Finally got you to turn around," Nakajima taunts, grabbing the hem of the apron. "Go on, drink it all in. Then try and tell me you don't want summa' this." With deliberate slowness, she starts to pull the hem up higher. Exposing more of her slender legs. And, as my heart starts pounding loud enough for me to hear it, she stops just short of being indecent. "Ahhh, this apron is so comfy~," she teases, swaying in place. "Feels like I'm wearing nothin' at all~."
This is going beyond just screwing with me. This is actually heading towards the goal of just plain -screwing- me. I pick my jaw up off the floor long enough to argue, "Y... y-you ARE wearing-"
"Nothin' at all~," she interrupts, turning slightly to let me see that, yes, she isn't wearing anything underneath.
My knees feel weak. As if the mounting lust burning inside me had a physical weight. The ugly beast that is my libido sniffs at the air. Its drool starts to pool beneath it. It STRAINS at its shackles and RATTLES the bars of its cage! It ROARS for RELEASE! I start pleading with both it and Nakajima, begging, "Stop-"
"Nothin' at all~," she says once more, wiggling her backside at me. I try so hard, so very hard, to keep my eyes trained on her face. But the allure, the temptation to look, is just too strong. The notion that things might not be as bad as I make myself believe them to be erodes away at any arguments I try to muster. This is bad; right now I really want to jump her bones so hard it's not funny. My self-control is slipping, like I picture my own hands sliding down her-
What the hell are you doing, snaps the voice in my head, stealing my attention from everything else. Are you even trying anymore, it taunts. That's right, I need to remember that this is something that I should not be doing!
Feeling returns to my limbs as I clench the hem of my dress. Nakajima looks surprised when I scream, "EXCUSE ME!" and push past her. Running as fast as I can in this getup. Running towards... somewhere that Nakajima isn't.
Why this? I really WAS trying not to be upset with her! And it worked TOO WELL! I fell right into her trap! She almost took ADVANTAGE of me back there! How did she know my weakness for naked aprons? I never told that to anyone!
So much for benefit of the doubt! I -doubt- I'll be able to get the image out of my head! And she had her chest pressed against my head, and I -touched- her and... AGH! Goddammit, Nakajima, what are you DOING?!
"The Seeker of Wisdom graces me with her unrivaled splendor once more," calls out a voice to my left, stopping me in my tracks. The Soul Temperer steps out of the shadows, wearing a cocky grin and, fortunately, her entire magical girl get-up. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" she asks in her normal, her blessedly normal way. I never thought I'd be so happy to see her.
Unfortunately, my patience for stupid conversations is running low today. "I'm -staying- here!" I tell her, pointing out the obvious, THEN explaining it even MORE clearly with a foot stomp and a sweep of my hand: "This is where I SLEEP
Though her smile doesn't fade, the wind is clearly knocked out of her sails. "Right," she affirms. Flipping her hair with her hand, she poses, and poses a question: "But are you really here?"
...Right, this is making my head hurt. Maybe I should just go take shelter at the Seventh. Or I could go find Other Nakajima and see if she can help me sort through this madness. At least these distractions are helping to take my mind off of...
And I found her. Stepping out from behind the towering figure of the Soul Temperer, her cheeks tinged a slight shade of pink. "Hello," she murmurs demurely, staring at her bare feet while she pulls at-
"You too?!" I exclaim, despair creeping into the core of my being. Even SHE is only wearing an apron, stockings, and her headband! "WHY?! I thought you were the REASONABLE one!" I point at her in accusation. She shrinks back as I demand, "EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"
Still unable to look me in the eyes, my impeccable observation abilities espy the Soul Temperer nudging her in the ribs. As if reading from a script, Other Nakajima speaks in a deadpan, telling me, "...It's much cooler. You ought to try it."
I glare at her with irritation. Fidgeting, Other Nakajima glances at the Soul Temperer. "She asked me to say it,” she confirms. The Soul Temperer makes finger guns toward Other Nakajima, who flushes a deeper shade of red. It actually makes her look...
"FOUL LIBIDO, get BACK in your CAGE where you BELONG!" I snarl at myself. Forcing that THING out of mind! I WILL have ORDER and CONTROL! I WILL -NEVER- LET IT HAVE ITS WAY! I WOULD SOONER -DIE- THAN-
"What?"
...Oh, right, I have an audience here. I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Okay, that's... that's not important," I say, ignoring their confusion at my outburst. "Why ARE you here, Soul Temperer?!"
Thrusting her chest out with pride – and there is a LOT there to thrust - the Soul Temperer enigmatically proclaims, "I am as a leaf on the wind, Seeker of Enlightenment! I go where I please, and land where I want." This time it's her turn to point at myself - I don't flinch. "Today, I landed here, to see you."
"Fair enough," I admit, shrugging. "Here I am, then. Did you need to speak to me about something?"
With a nudge of encouragement from Other Nakajima, the Soul Temperer steps forward and drops to one knee before me. Eyes brimming with resolve for something, she says, "I must confess, Seeker of Enlightenment. I am-"
"There you are, Crunchyyy~!" Nakajima exclaims from behind me, sending a jolt up my spine and eliciting a look of displeasure from the Soul Temperer. How did I not hear her coming? How did I not notice her?! This situation has become REALLY DANGEROUS! I look towards the others for assistance, both of whom seem put off by her sudden entrance, but I'm too late! She already has her hand on my shoulder! "C'mon, lemme ride your caboose~!"
Without even thinking about it, I reach back and grab her arm with both hands. Years of Eversor training manifest as I pull her forward and lift her. And then HEAVE her over my back and SLAM her into the ground! Nakajima looks almost as shocked as I feel right now. And in pain.
"As satisfying as that was to watch," the Soul Temperer says, drawing my attention to her perturbed expression, “that also seemed excessive, as though you ripped a door from its hinges to swat a bothersome mosquito.”
...I didn't mean to do that. I just felt pressured, like I'd been backed into a corner, and...
"I tried to warn her that this would happen," explains Other Nakajima, followed by a heavy sigh. She seems disappointed. Is she disappointed in me, or in her sister?
You can be really terrible, the voice chides.
This wasn't my fault, right? Right?
Of course not, it sneers, she slipped and fell on the floor on her own.
Almost afraid of what sort of response I will get, I ask Nakajima, "Are you alright?" and offer my hand to help her off the ground.
She takes it. "Immortal," she affirms, then groans. "Effin' hurts, though." Standing back upright, her demeanor is noticeably less... sprightly than it was. Was she -that- disappointed by how I reacted? I just didn't want anything to do with love or romance or whatever, not to -hurt- her! Goddammit, I need to apologize properly for this!
"I didn't mean to do that!" I shout. That is NOT a proper apology! "It was an accident!" I try to elaborate. This earns me disappointed glares from everyone gathered, which cut FAR deeper than any blade. “It was an instinctive response! Eversor conditioning! COMBAT REFLEXES!” I explain, still not apologizing, still making excuses, still earning withering glares from all those assembled. Why can't I just say that I'm sorry?! Why is this so HARD?!
"Jerk,” spits Nakajima, “I was only teasing."
“Teasing?” I ask with incredulity, and Nakajima nods as if I had asked if 2+2=4. "THIS was -teasing-?" I ask again, gesturing towards general direction of the dining room. At least call it a PRANK instead of teasing! And AGAIN she nods as though it were obvious!
“Also excessive,” observes the Soul Temperer, hand on her chin in thoughtful reflection, “like a mating ritual that-”
“Butt out, Eurotrash!” interrupts Nakajima, trying to shove the Soul Temperer away. The Soul Temperer doesn't give an inch, which only frustrates Nakajima even more. Though she's not as frustrated as I am right now.
“All of this?” I ask, just for the sake of clarity. Nod. “ALL OF IT?!” I ask again, because I STILL can't believe it. Nod. “JUST -TEASING-?!” I ask once more, as if it'd get a different response this time.
"Gawwwwd, yes! It's just teasing!" exclaims an irritated Nakajima, stamping her feet and balling up her fists. If THIS is teasing, I'd hate to see what happens when she gets SERIOUS!
Which means she wasn't serious after all. I feel angry, relieved, and oddly saddened at the same time. It really wasn't that it was BAD, it's just...
“I have to agree with the Soul Temperer,” I admit, “all of this was VERY EXCESSIVE! I mean, yeah, my response... was...” I trail off, because Nakajima looks as though I slapped her in the face. Even though I tried so hard not to be a bitch today. “Er, are you-”
That look disappears as soon as I ask, replaced with an expression of boredom. Groaning like a child who was scolded for doing something fun, Nakajima sticks out her tongue and says, "man, if you're all gonna be like that, maybe I should just go call Sayaka instead of hanging out with you losers."
"Sayaka?" I ask slowly, feigning ignorance. Because I don't want it to be who I think it is. Please don't be who I think it is. Please be some other Sayaka. Please be somebody else.
Reality is cruel and couldn't care less about my pleas. "Yeah, Sayaka Miki," Amber confirms my unpleasant conclusion with a dreamy smile, and goes on to twist the knife: "She's tall, she's dashing, and she has a real last name. And she doesn't pull a trucking judo flip on me when she's more upset than usual." If everyone's glares cut deep before, then Nakajima's praise of Miki stabs deep enough to run me through. She thinks the world of her. Just like everyone that talks about her.
"You know She Who Dances Gracefully on the Bloody Sea of Battle?" inquires the Soul Temperer, who looks and sounds awestruck at the mention of Miki. I want to tell them to stop talking. To stop shaking the foundation for my crumbling self-esteem. To stop making me feel like I lost at something when there wasn't even a competition. Again. But words are failing me right now, and I just gape like an idiot.
Business as usual, sneers the voice.
"Oh, totally," Nakajima says, any vitriol she has towards the Soul Temperer no longer showing through her cheerful tone of voice. "Her route's locked, though. She's practically married to that other redhead."
“'Other redhead?'” I croak, finding my voice in bad condition. “Kyoko? Kyoko Sakura?"
"Yeah, that one! She'd probably be a lot of fun to hang out with if, y'know, she wasn't in my way."
"They told me that they weren't together like that," I murmur. "Why would they lie to me?" It's like a parade of things I never wanted to hear marching past my window. I look to the others for an answer, genuinely wanting to know why Kyoko lied to me about something so important.
The Soul Temperer is the first to respond. "While I do think the world of you Seeker of Wisdom," she says, as though she realizes just how wretched hearing all this makes me feel, and such a preface would make what comes next easier to swallow, "considering your attitude towards romance in general a scant few hours ago, they were perhaps justified in concealing their true intentions, lest you attempt to sunder the thread that binds them together." It didn't help.
The worst part is that she's right. I was furious when I thought they were dating. I only stopped trying to separate them when they swore it wasn't like that at all. That they were just sharing a flat because it made sense from a financial perspective. And that I couldn't be a third tenant because I was too much for any roommates to handle. Which wasn't untrue.
...How many couples did I try to break up before I came her? How many of them never got back together because of me?
"Kinda wish she did," mutters Nakajima. "You know, I proposed that we could work in a threesome and win her over some time ago, but Saya-pon's all 'muh principles' and said no."
"Most people place emphasis on the emotional aspect of a relationship," explains Other Nakajima.
"Or they at least show some degree of tact," adds the Soul Temperer, without a trace of irony.
"Anyway!” shouts Nakajima, somewhat irritated by their answers, “now even Crunchy's being a total butthole about it. What's with you blue-haired hero types and your whole 'I can't be with you, I'm married to justice' spiel?" Her face flushes a little, and she clutches the hem of her apron and mumbles, "okay, I guess that's kind of hot, too, but still..."
“Well-”
“No, I'm not talking about you, Eurotrash! Go home already!"
"So I wasn't even your first choice," I interrupt their comedy routine with this crushing realization, drawing painful looks of pity from Other Nakajima and the Soul Temperer.
"Nope, sorry!" Nakajima chirps, not making any attempt to sugarcoat it. Though even she seems to realize that I am not in a good mood any longer, as she shows what could pass for concern on her face before she asks, "hey, are you gonna be all pouty and sad again? Like, do I need to proc another event flag with-"
"And I'm not 'tall' or 'dashing'?" I cut her off, already knowing the answer.
“No,” she says bluntly. Knowing didn't lessen how much it stung when she said it. “Well you are cute,” Nakajima adds after a moment, which only serves to rub salt in the wound. “'Cute is justice', right?"
"Yeah, I get that a lot,” I inform her with no enthusiasm. “I'm 'cute'. I'm not 'pretty', or 'smart', or 'cool' like Miki." I didn't want this. I didn't even want this, and it still hurts. I didn't even want a relationship, but now that I know I'm not even the prime choice... After all this time, even all the way out here, Miki STILL wins!
"Uh, yes?" Nakajima affirms, glancing at Other Nakajima and the Soul Temperer, likely because looking at me being as pitiful as this is painful to look at. "She's not really a rocket scientist, but you set the bar at rock bottom for-"
"Child of Chaos, that's enough," interrupts the Soul Temperer, attempting to spare my feelings. It doesn't help.
"Hey, she asked!"
I can't believe it. I'm actually in tears about this. I'm actually crying over something as stupid as not being Nakajima's favorite. I mean, maybe they have a history, or something happened between them, and here I've only known her for a couple weeks. And being her favorite, the favorite of an evil psychopath, that shouldn't be considered an accomplishment. Finally, I said I needed to have dignity, and that would mean not making a scene like this. It would mean having the self-control not to make a big deal out of something so inconsequential. Miki wouldn't. I understand all of this.
I understand all of this, but it STILL HURTS! I don't even care that Kyoko lied to me anymore; that one was justified. But something like this...
Well, I guess this is justified for the reasons Nakajima already said.
After about a minute of silence and worried looks, I break it like I break everything I get my hands on. "She is all those things, isn't she?" I say, sighing in utter defeat. "And it's not surprising; given the choice, who would take me when they could have the quintessential 'hero of justice', Sayaka Miki? Nobody, that's who." Hell, even I wouldn't pick me if she was on the table. Nobody in their right mind would take me when Sayaka Miki is an option.
Still... “I just wish her supposed superiority wasn't rubbed in my face every time I heard about her.”
Putting a hand on my shoulder in a gesture of reassurance, the Soul Temperer smiles at me. “You still shine brighter than her in my eyes, Seeker of Wisdom,” she encourages. That actually makes me feel a little bit better, though it raises the question of -why- she would like me more.
“Suck-up,” jeers Nakajima, who puts her face far too close to mine, with a curious smile. "Soooo, you're-”
“Sister, please,” interrupts Other Nakajima, but Nakajima presses on.
“-jealous of her?" she finishes.
...That's completely RIDICULOUS!
"Me?" I ask. "Envious of HER?" I have to scoff at how ABSURD the notion is! "HAH! Don't make me LAUGH! Do you THINK that I, HEATHER CRUNCH, am so WEAK and PATHETIC and WORTHLESS that I would be JEALOUS of MIKI? Just because she's the PRODIGIOUS PROTÉGÉE of the RANK LEADER?" Stepping back so that I can draw everyone's attention and get some breathing room, I give my absolute answer: "HARDLY! I am NOT jealous of HER just because she is BETTER KNOWN and has a BETTER REPUTATION THAN I! Just because she is MORE POPULAR THAN I AM, THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME JEALOUS! Just because she can OUTSMART ME DOES NOT MAKE ME JEALOUS OF SAYAKA MIKI! Just because she is STRONGER, MORE AGILE, AND MORE SKILLED THAN ME, I AM NOT! JEALOUS! OF MIKI!" Wanting to know WHERE this UNBELIEVABLE notion would come from, I ask them, "WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF SAYAKA GODDAMN MIKI?! JUST BECAUSE SHE'S PRETTY AND I'M NOT? JUST BECAUSE I LACK HER AMAZONIAN PHYSIQUE?! JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT COOL OR STYLISH LIKE HER?! JUST BECAUSE I CANNOT BEAT HER AT ANYTHING -EVER-?! JUST BECAUSE SHE CAN LEARN FROM HER MISTAKES WHEN I KEEP MAKING THE SAME ONES?! JUST BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME AS A RIVAL OR WORTHY OPPONENT?! JUST BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS SAYAKA MIKI THIS, SAYAKA MIKI THAT WHENEVER SHE DOES ANYTHING REMOTELY INTERESTING? JUST BECAUSE SHE GETS PRAISED WHILE THE WARMASTER NEVER HAD ANYTHING GOOD TO SAY ABOUT ME?! JUST BECAUSE SHE COMPLETELY -ECLIPSED- ANY ACCOMPLISHMENTS I MADE WHILE I WAS IN THE NINTH?! JUST BECAUSE SHE IS MORE DISCIPLINED THAN ME, MORE DIGNIFIED THAN ME, MORE RESPECTED THAN ME, MORE HELPFUL AND USEFUL AND DOESN'T SCREW THINGS UP AND GET EVERYONE HURT?! JUST BECAUSE SHE CAN DO EVERYTHING RIGHT?!"
HAH! Look at them, CONFUSED as though they don't KNOW where this is going. IT'S GOING ON THE CRUNCH TRAIN IS WHERE IT'S GOING! I point to myself with ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE, STATING, "WELL GUESS WHAT? -I- AM THE RANK LEADER! NOT HER! ME!" I GESTICULATE TO MAKE THIS EVEN MORE APPARENT, THAT MY POISE MAY SHOW WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE. "I GOT HERE FIRST! I GOT A LEG UP ON HER! ME! I DID IT! I WON! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I AM BETTER IN A WAY THAT ACTUALLY -MATTERS-, AND I HAVE MANAGED TO HOLD ONTO THAT LEAD FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAYS! IT'S BEEN -MONTHS- AND MIKI IS NOT A RANK LEADER, BUT I -AM-! NOT HER! SO NO, I AM -NOT- JEALOUS! I AM -NOT- JEALOUS AT ALL! I HAVE NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS AT ALL WHATSOEVER! BECAUSE I'M FINALLY -BETTER- THAN HER!"
It felt GOOD to say that! That's right, Miki is NOT a Rank Leader of ANY Officio right now, while I AM in such a position! A position I EARNED! A position that commands RESPECT! A position that MATTERS! A position that plays a part on the WORLD STAGE! I am DEFINITELY-
Other Nakajima coughs and interrupts my reverie. And the dawning realization of what I just did comes crashing down on me.
I could have stopped this.
"I..." I try to apologize, "You didn't need to see that." And I fail again. "I didn't mean to dump my emotional baggage on everyone. Again." I smile a little, trying to show everybody that in spite of that outburst, I'm not going to let it drag me down, and state, “But no, I'm not jealous. I'm fine. Everything's fine.”
They don't seem to believe me, which is understandable. The Soul Temperer is about to speak, when Nakajima says something: "Admitting you have a problem is the first step. I mean, that's sorta why you came out here, right?"
Other Nakajima looks shocked. I'm just annoyed. "Were you even paying atten-” Don't be a bitch about it, just... “I AM NOT..." I reiterate, trying to emphasize just HOW little I'm letting it drag me down.
"I'm..." But...
"I..." Oh god...
"I'm jealous," I murmur, tears pouring out at this horrible revelation. "I'm so jealous of her!" I cry, and bury my face in my hands to preserve what little dignity I have left. "She's just so annoyingly PERFECT, and I'm just a screw-up no matter WHAT I try to do! Even when I succeed, she succeeds even HARDER, and it feels like I haven't accomplished ANYTHING compared to her!" I vent years and years of resentment and envy, though my voice is muffled through my hands. "I don't even have to DEAL with her anymore, and I should be ECSTATIC about it, yet I'm not! Because it's not going to change the fact that I STILL CAN'T BEAT HER! And I can't bring myself to hate her for it, because it's so SHALLOW and PETTY! All I can do is blame myself for failing to catch up, and try harder and harder each time to make up for it!"
And this... this is what pisses me off the most. Or perhaps it's the core of why I'm so upset. "But it's NEVER ENOUGH! She STILL wins, without even TRYING to compete, and so I still envy her and just... everything about her!”
"You shouldn't,” Nakajima says immediately. “You're still way more fun than she is."
I'd put what she says down to pity and dismiss it, except I can actually, plausibly believe what she's saying. I've been told I'm good company sometimes, by some of the most unlikely people. Meanwhile, for all her virtues, Miki is always firing off ICBMs. Not the most pleasant person in the world.
“What?” Nakajima says, just now noticing Other Nakajima's expression. “I can be supportive, too, y'know?”
Other Nakajima's stoic expression returns. “Of course,” she says. Well, maybe there's a hint of a smile on her face. “I'm very proud of you, sister.”
“Besides, I was just joking about calling her up, anyway. If I wanted to talk to her, I'd do it in person.”
I'm not going to lose to an inferiority complex! I won't let it ruin my day any further! In fact, I can still salvage this situation from irreparable awkwardness!
“You know,” I murmur, getting back the attention of the two of them, “from what I had so far, that food was REALLY good.” I smile as sincerely as I can. “You put in a LOT OF EFFORT, NAKAJIMAAAA, and-”
“New flag get! Gimme five, Jade!”
“-and I'm still starving.” I finish as the sisters share a high-five. Nakajima smiles coyly.
“Are you sure you don't want to taste me first?” she asks, grabbing the hem of her apron. Oh god, I'd almost forgotten about those! SUPPRESS YOUR SEX DRIVE, DAMMIT! BACK INTO YOUR PRISON, YOU MONSTER!
“Don't you start!” I warn her STERNLY after triumphing over LUST! But not -too- sternly. Don't want to be a bitch like Miki.
Nakajima giggles. “Kidding, kidding~,” she teases. “Yeah, you can go ahead and eat. I'll catch up in a sec.”
Having dodged what could have been a REALLY compromising situation, and with my good mood restored, I return to my feast in TRIUMPH and-
The Soul Temperer's there, and she's eaten HALF of the food already! “Hey, that's my breakfast!” I exclaim angrily!
When she catches sight of me, she pouts through a mouthful of toast, explaining, “I didn't have breakfast.” Or something like that. It's hard to make it out. But it does NOT excuse what she's doing!
“That's not for you, Eurotrash!” calls out a fuming Nakajima from the doorway.
The Soul Temperer is unmoved, grabbing the fruit bouquet in its entirety. “Give my compliments to the chef, Child of Chaos.”
As I march over to MANUALLY disengage the Soul Temperer from MY MEAL, NAKAJIMA pleads, “Jaaaade, do somethiiiing!”
Just as I'm about to REMOVE SOUL TEMPERER, Other Nakajima slinks into view. “No. Bad,” she scolds the Soul Temperer, who actually looks hurt by her words and sets down the bouquet. I can't see the expression on Other Nakajima's face, but I felt a chill just now. Like it's a good thing that I didn't.
After that, Other Nakajima excuses herself and leads the Soul Temperer out by her ear. There's an awkward silence shared between myself and Nakajima, as I learn something unsettling: Other Nakajima is scary.
Not important, though. I have food in front of me that's getting cold. So without further delays, I resume my consumption!
“ALRIGHT THEN! It's time for us to work off all this food with some LIGHT EXERCISE!” I declare IMMEDIATELY upon the completion of my feasting. Tenko is shushed by Other Nakajima when she tries to suggest something; things got a bit WEIRD after those two left, as Other Nakajima is pretty much using her as a chair right now, but I am going to IGNORE IT! I AM IGNORING IT LIKE THE FIST OF THE NORTH STAR!
Nakajima herself seems to have hit upon a similar conclusion and spares them no more than a perturbed look. She looks as if she is about to say something, too, but thinks better of it, and instead responds, “Okay, have fun with that. We'll be cheering you on and stuff!”
“I don't think you heard me correctly,” I announce, SMUGNESS infecting my voice with SMUGNESS and EVEN MORE SMUGNESS! “I said 'we'. That means EVERYONE here.” I gesture to ALL of them.
Nakajima looks shocked for a moment, then giggles. “Hee, not bad!” she praises. “You're pretty good at this teasing thing, 'cuz I almost believed you for a second!”
WISHFUL THINKING! “THAT was NOT teasing, Nakajima,” I explain to her, to Other Nakajima, and to the Soul Temperer, “I want YOU, OTHER NAKAJIMA, and THE SOUL TEMPERER to join me in a light workout!” Now, STRIKE A MAIDLY POSE! “ONE HUNDRED PUSH-UPS, ONE HUNDRED SIT-UPS, ONE HUNDRED CRUNCHES, AND TEN MILES OF RUNNING!”
From her place on the ground, the Soul Temperer scoffs. “Hmph, at least try to make it challenging, Truth-Seeker.” She is shushed by Other Nakajima, but TOO LATE!
“THAT'S THE SPIRIT!” I encourage her! GET PUMPED UP!
Nakajima is NOT ENTHUSIASTIC about it! “Nuh uh! That's too much work!” she complains, and gestures towards her current naked apron attire! “And I'm not going out there naked like this!”
“I am not fit for fitness,” chimes in Other Nakajima. As though THAT could ever stop me!
“I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE ROARING ENGINES OF THE CRUNCH TRAIN!” I exclaim, grabbing both of them by the hand and PULLING THEM OUT THE DOOR! “CHOO CHOO!” TIME TO GREET THE DAY, AND THEN KICK ITS ASS!
YES! Today is going to be GOOD! I can FEEL it!
And if it's NOT... well, SMILE ANYWAY! Don't look WEAK in front of everyone else anymore! Keep those problems locked away where they won't bother people! Nobody else has to know!
...That will have to be good enough for now.
