Magical Juggernaut Heather Crunch

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"Oh, yeeeeeeeeaah!! It's Crunch time!"

Now strike a pose! Clench your fist! Flash those pearly whites!

Hold it.. Hold it.. Yeah, just like that! Nailed it! She's totally speechless.

Ha! As if a bunch of heavy boxes would slow me down. Clever girl... BUT NOT CLEVER ENOUGH! And so I meet her dull amber gaze before I make my BOLD DECLARATION!

"Vanus Eleanor A. Slam! I am Heather Crunch, Eversor rank leader! And I have come here to test your mettle in battle!"


So she's going to be like that, eh? Fine, I'll play her game.

"I have come to see if the pen truly is mightier than the sword!"

Oh yeah. That sounded really cool.

"I am but a simple office worker, and I have never-"

"Hah! Nice try, but my -unparalleled observational abilities are informing- me that YYYYYOU..." Dramatic pause! Finger point! "are -hiding- something from me!"

And I -clasp- my hand over my chest, undoubtedly drawing her attention to the brilliant FIERY red of my soul gem.

"For beneath your humble appearance I can hear the heartbeat of a warrior THUNDERING in your chest, crying out for the thrill of combat!" As helpfully illustrated by my hand clenching and unclenching, with added "Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump..."

"Miss Crunch, you are mistaken, I am only a-"


"-office worker who has never fought anyone."

She's definitely lying. Time to shake things up.

I extend my hand back, pointed out toward the opening I created kicking through the window. My weapon, my extension of the -burning resolve of my SOUL-, manifests piece by piece. A huuuuuuuuge sword that easily clips the ceiling, made up of glowy blue lines. Like in that one movie - GRON? - but just the lines. It has her totally in awe.

I should give it a name someday so I can call it out when summoning it. Named weapons are cool.

"Come on, then! I've shown you mine, now you show me yours!"


Still playing ignorant, huh?

"You know... Your weapon!"

"I do not have a weapon."

"Getting REEEEEAL tired of your lies. Where is your weapon?"

"I am not lying, I do not have a weapon. That is why I am an office worker."

"DESK CLEAVE! SMASH!" Wood shatters and splinters fly as my faithful sword is brought down upon it in a swift two-handed swing. Supposedly it weighs a great deal, but I don't even notice. It feels like a natural extension of my arm, like it -belongs- there.

And now there is no more desk. There is only a hole and floating motes of dust where the desk used to be.

And no more magical girl. Where did she-

SLAM goes the door as footsteps hurry off into the distance. I can't help but grin. It's been quite some time since I've actually had to chase someone down like this.

And SO, I THROW the door open. And I purSUE HER, letting my colossal blade drag behind, accompanied by the sound of the floor - stone and some rebar, I think? - being ploughed right through. It slows me down a little, but I don't mind. It makes for an interesting handicap.

At the end of a long hallway, I see her lavender hair through a crack in the elevator doors, just before they shut. I guess I -could- just run over, kick the door down, cut the cable, and ride the cab crashing into the ground. That'd be great, but it'd get me in trouble and I'd be lectured again, possibly have sanctions imposed... I -did- promise to stop doing that, after all.

Instead, I move up toward the entrance to the stairwell door. From here I can just make out the LED display above the elevator door, surrounded by the stuffed heads of a few toothy, parrot-like familiars mounted on wall plaques. The readout says "G" in red lights. So she stopped at the ground floor, most likely. Didn't look like she was planning any sort of bait-and-switch trick.

I throw the door open and leap over the railing, plummeting from the top floor to the bottom. My descent barely slows as my blade cleaves through the stairs. I feel lightheaded as the adrenaline kicks in, just before I land. Big chunks of rubble RAIN from above upon my head, like little water droplets. Shake it off, Heather, shake it off. Can't run around covered in debris. Not after becoming rank leader. After becoming tidy, the plain white door ahead opens easily enough - gotta walk a ways out to make room for my weapon - and I switch to a one-handed grip. Have to flip the stairs sign around, which informs everyone that the stairs are wrecked again. I mean, -I- can clear a jump to the top floor easy enough, but it's for the benefit of the masses I suppose.

So! Here I stand in the lobby, the lobby of the Sixth Officio! It's pretty big as far as lobbies go, about two or three stories high and mostly glass. The sun shines brightly overhead, BUT IT WILL NEVER BURN AS INTENSELY AS MY ZEAL! Typical lobby stuff here, some chairs, desks, receptionist's desk, magazines - Magical Girl Monthly, maybe, I don't bother with such garbage. But BEHOLD, the MASSIVE SKULLS of the witches that our own Leman Russ took down ON HER OWN and repurposed as hallway entrances after she became warmaster! The one on the right still has the bite marks from when she tore its head off with just her teeth! The TOWERING structures -finally- got those windows installed in the eye sockets and nasal cavities, I see!

And I see my target almost to the front door! Not so fast, Slam! I EXTEND my free arm, letting my sleeve hang free, and through FORCE of WILL, manifest my masterful magic! Strips of something silver and sticky shoot swiftly from my sleeves, seeking my sought-after target, like snakes about to strike! I CUT OFF her escape with my trap, but she is able to ESCAPE back through the hall of the bitten skull before I can CATCH her!

She's quick, and I can't catch up to her easily from this distance. I retract my ribbons and try to keep up - but there's only one room that's open at this time today, and that's the gymnasium. Taking care to -not- drag my weapon around the lobby - look nice to the visitors, smile and wave for the clients, just doing rank leader things - I give chase, making damn sure to not leave a single scratch on the trophy ON PAIN OF DEATH and keep going through the mouth until the walls and floor are no longer bone white! I turn the corner just in time to see her go to the right, which means she's headed to the gymnasium. Fortunately for ME, I know a SHORTCUT!

I take a swipe at the ceiling, a loud crashing sound made as the reinforced structure is RENT ASUNDER! Then I LEAP through the gap, entering the mostly barren training hall. Barren but for the scars it has, and the people using it. Seems I interrupted the two rookies who booked this one, since they're staring at me. No time for sitting around, though, gotta keep moving.

It's about... This many paces away. It's easy to cut open the floor the same way, though it puts most of the mess in the hallway, which visitors might see. Which is bad, I think? Rank leading is hard, things were more fun when I didn't have these -responsibilities-. But I digress.

After yelling at the girls for their form, I PLUNGE INTO THE HOLE and land on the ground with all the grace of a ballerina with a giant sword. Now I can return to my normal, two-handed grip - it feels so much more natural - and KICK OPEN the gym doors! The doors FLY off the handles after detaching from the wall, and CRASH into the far side of the gym, and would have hit my prey if she hadn't stopped. She is AWE-STRUCK by my abilities, no doubt!

And she probably just realized that the only other way out is locked, which means she has to go through ME!

"Come on! Let me see your fighting spirit!"

And I shake my fist. You may cast your eyes away but I know you've got something in you, Eleanor! This empty gymnasium shall be our arena! There may be no lines of bleachers, but in my mind I can hear the ROAR of the crowd as they cheer us on! They want to see BLOOD!

"I would if I could, but I cannot."

Okay, I gotta give her props for staying cool under pressure. I guess some people like that kind of thing? But this is dragging on too long.

"Enough screwing around! As rank leader, I order you to fight me! Make your first strike!"

NOW we're getting somewhere. I can see her reaching into her pocket, no doubt to pull out a concealed weapon. I -knew- she had something on her! And I'm right, for she clutches several thin, black objects in her hands, one between each knuckle, disguised innocuously as pens! Unorthodox, but interesting! And now she HURLS all of them with pinpoint accuracy as I stand strong to take the brunt of the attack! Let's see what you've got, newbie!





"These are pens."

They're not even the sharp, pointy kind of pens. They're the kind with a plastic cap that dry out too quickly. I barely felt that at all.

"I am sorry. That is all I can make."

"Just pens."

"Just pens. No weapons." Damn. She looks every bit as uncomfortable as I am with this whole kerfuffle.

"You're sure?"

"Positive. Can I concede to you in this duel? I have work to finish and papers to haul away."

I APPLY my palm to my face, and rub my temples in irritation. "Sure," says I. She -does- look pretty upset behind her blank-faced facade. Best let her get back to her job.

My intuition wasn't wrong, though. I'm -positive- that she has potential, but apparently she doesn't even realize that herself...


"Hey... Eleanor?" I call after her, "Are you doing anything after work?"