Human Resources 11: Cleaning Up

Sometimes I talk myself up like I'm perfect, like I've never once slipped up on the job.

Sometimes I go on and on about how hard it is to do my job, to keep everything running just so.

Sometimes I'm just all talk, all hot air, it seems like, going on about 'oh, you know, sometimes it does come apart a bit.'

Like I'm just paying lip service to danger, to risks, just so I don't sound too full of myself. Don't know who I'm trying to convince in my own head. Is that something like how prayer works? Wouldn't know, was never much of a religious type. Figure if there's any great big cosmic force fussing over the universe, I probably work for it. ...Now there's a thought.

It doesn't always work out perfectly. Once upon a time...

✱✱✱

Callidus. Old hire. Well, old-ish. The sort that calls me every now and then to help her work through some of the things she's seen. It's alright, I tell her. I've seen it all, too. Been at this longer than her, after all. I understand. She believes every word of it, and I get that nice feeling of a job well done. She walks away with something a bit closer to a smile, a little less weighing her soul gem down - can't fix some things by bashing grief seeds against it - and that's a job well done too. Nice enough, in its own way.

Her name was... well, never mind her name. It doesn't mean a whole lot now.

"Miss Ryouno, can you make it to my home now? It's... urgent." Not a good sign, but not rare either. I get those calls a lot. Almost asked if we can't just do this closer to here, at the dorms - far as I know, she was on her way out at most - but I knew not to. She answered anyway, like she read my mind or something.

"I would offer to do this closer to work, but it's... private. At least, I think it probably should be."

Well, that's alright. That's how it is with most people here; everything's personal, everything's secret and private and dramatic like you wouldn't believe. I tell her I'll be there in fifteen, take a bus, and run from the station once it stops. Partly being punctual, partly... well, if she catches me running to make it as quick as I can, that's a nice bonus, isn't it?

She opens the door, and where she's usually all smiles - forced or no - frowning or looking frightened, today she just looks... tired. Really, really empty and tired. Put through the wringer one time too many, broken down a little too much, just slowly coming apart. I've seen that look a couple times before, but in this line of work that's really no surprise at all.

Tells me to sit down, before she says anything. It's a nice, warm, comfortable chair, and she sinks into an armchair opposite it like a bag of rocks. She always liked being comfortable, and it shows in just about everything around her place. A little grateful for it, really. It's not half bad, coming to a place like this, it really isn't. She fixes me from across the small space between the chairs with a stern glare. Funny, that's not one I'm used to.

"Miss Ryouno," she starts. That's a new one too. Well, not new, but rare enough. We're close enough that it's usually just 'Harumi', the way I like it. Shows they're used to you. Today, the look she's giving me isn't nearly as familiar.

"Do you know what my job at the Third is?"

"Of course. Vanish from sight and sound. Spy for us." She's a veteran, there's no need to sugarcoat quite as much. She never cared for it anyway, and this job's all about learning what each person wants to hear.

"I've been hearing things. From friends in the Ninth."

"What did they tell you? If anyone's giving you trouble, I can-"

"I didn't believe them at first. I had to see for myself. Hear for myself. First I listened at the door, then I looked inside. I realised later that you probably have... something that would see me, normally, but I must have been lucky. ...That gem around your neck, Miss Ryouno. How much did it cost you?"

She was right. Got wards for that sort of thing, but I mistimed a few of them last week, had a couple gaps. Noticed after the fact, didn't think it would matter. Right now, she has me just about frozen in place, shocked out of my senses, giving her that wide-eyed beached fish stare. Probably not the best reaction.

"Did you call me because what I say here might make a difference?" Well, no, maybe it's not the best answer I could've given. I don't have many in me, sometimes. Hard to believe, but it's true.

"...Probably not," she admits.

"Nothing." She almost looks like she's about to laugh for a minute, thinking I'm trying to pass my pretty little 'soul gem' off as the real thing. "It was a favour. Sanbey can call in no end of those, even if he hardly ever does it. I'd say we owe them, but it looks like this more than makes up for it."

"What about the souls the Incubators collect? I heard that was to... save the world? I'm not sure I believe it, but-"

"Whether it works or not, Sanbey's more serious about that than most of them, I can promise you that."

"Is that why you're doing this?" I might as well try being honest. It's refreshing, in a way, being able to... cut loose like this. Suppose that's the sort of thing that gets you monologuing with the hero hovering over a vat of acid, though.

"No. I mean, I'd like to tell you that. I'd like to tell myself that, and sometimes I will. Doesn't make it true, you know? It's a nice bonus, if it's true. They think it's true; question of how well it's working, is all."

"Then... what did he offer you?" Couldn't help but laugh, there. She looked confused, for a second.

"Kid, you should know that doesn't matter after the first few years. ...But just for the record, I made him an offer. He's not any good at this by himself, see?"

"It doesn't work forever."

"I'd like to think of this as more of an edge case. Frankly, most of them keel over before too long anyway. It's that kind of job." Maybe not mincing words is a bit of a small favour to her. Maybe it's one for me. Maybe I'm just not quite up to pulling from my usual bag of tricks. Really, I'm not quite sure by now.

"And, ah... thanks. For keeping all this to yourself and coming to me first, I mean. Going to be honest, it makes things a lot easier for me." You learn to appreciate the little things. Could've gone much, much worse.

"It's funny, isn't it? I tried to think about someone I can go to with this, someone I can trust, who knows how to fix this kind of thing, and..."

"Well, I'm flattered. Glad that much is still working."

"Are you going to kill me now?" Froze up again for a second, there. Nervous little laugh; mine, I noticed after a moment. To... keep the secret? Yeah, I guess some people might.

"What, did you marathon some mafia films before you called me out here? No, nothing like that." No, a little joke isn't about to lighten the air, but if it's light enough to see through, that's enough. "I'm a lot of things. I've been a lot of people. Never a murderer. I'm not good for much besides saying the right things, see? So we're going to talk this out." Always wondered what a hostage negotiation is like; maybe this is the next best thing, if we're talking sheer tenseness.

"What happens to me now, then?"

"Good question."

"And...?"

"I'm thinking. Let's see...I'm not giving you the concrete shoe treatment no matter how much you expect it, so that's out. They call those 'retirements' in this business. Cute little name, but I don't like to do it for every little thing like some places do. You sure you haven't told anyone?"

"I think I would remember. Do you believe me?"

"Since you ask, I do. I also can't afford to take risks; I'm going to get someone from the Ninth to... I don't know. Pick through the memories of everyone at the Third? Can any of the ranks do that? All this magic stuff is a closed book to me, no harm admitting it now, I guess."

She shrugs. "Not my department. I'm not sure either. Maybe you could try a Vanus or a Culexus?"

"I'll give that a go, thanks. Know something funny? I don't know where they got those names either."

"Really?" That one gets a little laugh out of her. The crazy things incubators do, huh? Or maybe it was some warmaster or the other. 'Warmaster', there's another weird one.

"Yeah. Never get answers to some things, it turns out.So, ah... let's see. I'm thinking relocation. Somewhere where you can't do any harm, far from the Third. We'll be watching you for any contact, obviously. Nothing personal, I just..."

"Can't take any chances. I understand." Of course she understood. Not a whole lot of choice. Well, unless she decides to finish me right here and now. There's that niggling doubt at the back of my head that, when all's said and done, even a Callidus could take me out pretty easily. Something in my eyes probably gave that away, I'm really slipping today. Or maybe too much suspicion means nothing helps any more. I'm not sure, right now.

"Miss Ryouno, w-what if..." she stammers and stops for a moment, before picking up again. "What if you don't make it out of the building?" If there was a less certain threat, I haven't heard it.

"Yeah, you can probably do that. And then what? You're a murderer, and I don't like to brag, but I'm pretty popular around these parts. Sanbey looks out for me, too, who even knows why. You wouldn't last too long. You've got a secret but no evidence, and not a soul in the Third would buy it just like that; I mean, even you didn't, and you can imagine how much worse it would go over if you killed me, assuming you even get to talk. You know just enough to get my attention. ...It's a bit of a lost cause, you know?"

If there was any of what you might call fire in her eyes, it's gone now. She gives me a sheepish smile and a little nod. "You're right. Sorry, that was a little... well, stupid, wasn't it?" The look she gives me, the one where she realises her life is - when all's said and done - in my hands, sparkler or no. Like she knows she just made an enormous mistake. I just brush it off.

"Nah. It's a good idea, really, or at least a sensible one. Just doesn't work here. The Third's fragile, but not that fragile. I'm not about to send a squad after you over a little idea like that."

"Thank you. I always knew I could be... well, honest with you." Feels strange, being thanked by her at a time like this. Guess some impressions never quite go away. I should probably feel proud of that, shouldn't I?

"Yeah, same to you," I tell her instead. "It... helps sometimes." And it really does, getting to just drop the act once in a while. "Guess you probably don't want to hear it, though."

"At least there's that."

"Mm. At least there's that."

Quiet, for a while. With me thinking, and her... who knows what she was doing. Don't know what I'd do, at a time like that, backed so far into the corner that she's practically on the other side of the wall. If I think there's pressure now... well, there is, and I'm not about to run into more than this, in this line of work. That's the important thing.

Ah. She's shaking.

"I'm thinking relocation," I tell her eventually, breaking the silence. "Your incredible skills got the attention of another officio and we reluctantly let you go, or something like that. You know how Officio politics are. Let's see... Eighth? No. Full of lunatics."

"Second?" She asks hopefully. "I think I would like seeing England. Of course, I would need to learn the language, but-"

"They're pretty picky about bloodlines, and their Incubator... I'm not saying you think alike, but Sanbey hates the guy so much he doesn't even talk about him. Bit of a bad sign, don't you think?" She looks exactly as shocked as I'd expect anyone to be by that. I know I was when the rabbit went on and on ranting about him.

"I'd suggest the Seventeenth, but... hmm. Language barrier. And the ten- no, no, shouldn't send anyone to that nightmare. Seventh?"

"I've barely heard of them."

"Far as I can tell, it's a lifetime of tea, meditation and making little daisy-chains or whatever while their Incubator does his best Shaolin monk impression. Really, I'm not surprised they're not talked about much. ...Probably going to look after you pretty well, though. You fancy giving that a try? I could have the paperwork figured out in a week or so. We'd need to keep you in the Silent Room or something until then, mind you. Obvious precautions and all that."

"Miss Ryouno, one question..."

"Go on. I'm listening."

"Does this... get better?" She asks me, pointing at her soul gem. I wait a moment, but I know what she means.

"Some of them live a pretty long while. Seventh and Seventeenth, mostly." That's probably something like consolation, isn't it?

"Am I some kind of monster? Am I still-" she trails off for a bit, looking for words. Don't think she liked the one she found. "Still a person?" I give her a sad little smile, the kind that doesn't outright say anything and doesn't need to. I'm not going to bother lying to the girl, that ended the second she dropped the bomb.

"...Well, that's not good enough. I want out."

"Lots of people do. Doesn't work that way. Short of turning into a witch or getting your soul gem shattered-"

"I know what I said, Miss Ryouno. I'm done with this. With being a ticking bomb. With being a monster. With being a puppet. It's over, all of this."

"...Alright. Alright, you win." What's there to say to that, really? Talk her down after I've burned a bunch of bridges? I mean, it's a clean solution for me, I'll give her that.

"Are, ah... are you sure?"

"Something close to it, at least."

Her voice breaks up a bit there. I'm not sure how it lasted this long. Mine might have done the same.

I expected a lot of things when I walked in, and even five minutes ago. Can't say this was part of it. I guess I win, don't I? It's over, all cleanly mopped up. She had the decency to tell me first, and then deal with her own mess. The liability that solves itself. Kind of a dream scenario, isn't it? But all the same, somehow...

"I can't really talk you out of it, can I?" She's calm, really calm, for something like this. She's probably scared out of her wits, thinking if she slips up now, she'll witch out. I don't even know if that's wrong. And me... well, I'm calm too, of course. It's my job. I could say I'm torn up about losing her, and I'd be lying. I could say I've seen lots of things, enough to numb me to this, and... that'd be a lie too. It's always someone else. It's always somewhere else, out of sight. I'm not used to this, up close.

"I wouldn't bother, if I were you. ...I could use a favour or two, though."

"Of course. Go on. What is it?" Am I eager to get a good deal out of this? Am I trying to help her somehow, after this? Couldn't say.

"Could you tell them... oh, a witch got me or something? Took it down with me. Maybe even, I don't know, took a hit for you; not too far off from the truth there, is it? I don't know, always like the idea of going out a hero. Just not enough to burn a wish on it; good thing too, with how many of those go sour."

"Of course. I can do that."

"I mean, if there's anyone they'd believe..."

"Hah! You're probably right, but thanks."

She's the one with a question again, after a bit. "...What do you say at a time like this, I wonder?"

"I was about to ask you. Not used to having to do that." It was a pretty bad joke, if it was one at all. We laugh anyway, because we're not quite sure what else to do. Maybe we looked at our options and decided this was the best thing we could do. Eventually, the niggling question in the back of my head comes back; that little thing about favours.

"Was there, ah... was there anything else?"

"Later. Could you stay here a while?"

So I did. We talked about... well, like she said, it's private. Personal. And to be honest, really not all that important. A whole lot of nothing, but it's the sort of nothing that means the world to some people. Just white noise to put things off, I guess. Maybe she was mulling things over along the way. It was a little hard to offer any help when she blew me off point blank, but really, in her shoes, would I be any different? It's a good thing I knew better than to get into all this, really.

Well, almost good enough. It'll have to do.

Eventually, the white noise turns into a pause, a pause turns into silence, and silence into awkward silence. She's the first to break it, and I'm not exactly thankful.

"Miss Ryouno, you... have a gun on you, right? Could you..."

"I told you already. I don't do that." Have to draw a line somewhere. Even if it does make me wonder why I carry the thing.

"Then could I borrow it?"

Long sigh before I caved in. "It's yours." And there goes that line in the sand.

"You've been... pretty stone-faced through all this, kid. Sure you don't want to... I don't know, settle down, have a good cry over it or something? It helps, sometimes."

"Oh, no. Not when you're looking." Saw something crack there, all the same. Not for the first time since I walked in.

"Probably hate me right about now, don't you?" Not sure why I asked. Just curiosity?

"I really should, shouldn't I?" She's got this thoughtful look, like she's not quite sure. "I think... if you paid a little for this, that would be nice. I don't want to hurt you, not quite. And... who knows? Maybe what you're doing needs to happen. Maybe it's for the best."

"Hell of a question. I'll let you know if the rabbit and I ever figure it out. ...Listen, if you have to do this, I could at least walk you back and we could... I don't know, probably work out something tidy that'd hurt a whole lot less."

"No. No, I think it needs to be this."

"Because...?" I'm honestly lost, again, not for the first time today.

She gives me a little smile, then. Half cold and half warm, strangest thing to look at. Guess she wanted to twist the knife and only barely had it in her. "Because I want to make sure you remember this," she says.

"Hey, kid. ...Miss? Just one thing."

"Yes?"

"I, ah... I'm sorry. Not sure what for. Maybe lying to your face, maybe letting it turn out like this."

"You don't mean it."

"No, maybe not. I'd like to mean it, though."

"That's something, at least."

Cleanest thing I've ever seen. Just a loud bang and tinkling glass.

The noise got some attention, obviously, but the job has its perks. At least I didn't have to worry about that kind of trouble. Scot-free, with every loose end tied up, and I didn't so much as have to lift a finger. In its own way, I guess that's a job well done, too. A proper, perfect cleanup. Well done, Harumi. Even when I drop the ball, I'm pretty good at this, aren't I? Really, for a slip-up, it couldn't have ended any better.

...Think I was sick in some alley about five minutes later. Some days I'm not good at winning.

✱✱✱

You know, it worked. She knew what she was doing, maybe better than me, in her own way. I remember it. I remember every little stain on the wallpaper and every frayed bit of carpet from the room that day.

...I'm not a killer, though. Got that going for me.